Sunday, June 26, 2011

Being a Wife

I love being Jorge's wife. I enjoy making him dinner and being by his side. I like being able to reach out in the night and feel him next to me. I love being in his arms. I like knowing that he is my best friend and that no matter what I need, he is there.And I get great satisfaction out of showing him how much I love him!
We have a book called The Five Love Languages. Now, I know that probably not everyone enjoys reading things like that, but we do. We like figuring out ways to love each other better. Reading books like this helps us to learn more about communicating, about loving in a way that our spouse understands. It helps us to know each other better and connect on a deeper level! 
Through reading this book, I have learned that my husband's primary "love language" is acts of service. That simply means that when I do things for him, when I SERVE him, he feels loved. Example- when I stand at the sink and wash dishes, I used think of it as just a chore. But then one day my husband told me that watching me at the sink or mopping the floor or doing pretty much any other household chore has a profound effect on him. It makes him feel very loved and cared for! (You know that warm gooey feeling you get when your hubby brings flowers, or whispers romantic words, or does whatever it is that makes you melt inside? Well, THAT is what me just doing CHORES does for my husband!)  A simple act of service, even if it is something ordinary, literally SHOUTS to him that I love him! Cooking dinner, cleaning the house, simply SERVING him makes him feel loved. YES, touching and cuddling and talking are still important- acts of service is his PRIMARY love language but it isn't his ONLY love language!- but just these simple little things we as wives often take for granted, can speak volumes to our men!!!
Knowing this has led me to see my housekeeping in a different light. What I used to see just as chores, now has become an act of love. I try to put extra thought into making the bed just so, or putting the dishes away instead of leaving them in the rack. I don't do this because my husband is a neat-freak. That IS NOT what I am trying to say! When my husband watches me zipping around the house or cooking his favorite meal in the kitchen, he knows that I am doing it because I LOVE HIM! And above all else, I want my husband to feel loved!
Maybe some of you are reading this and wishing you knew how to figure YOUR man out. Well, that takes communication!!! And communication is a hard thing to do. A wise person once sent me a Bible study that included this thought:
"Communication takes perseverance--and the very strength and courage of God's Spirit--to replace impatience, insensitivity, and self-preoccupation with loving communication patterns."
Your relationship can only improve as you learn to communicate with your spouse. (Communicating DOES NOT just mean telling your husband what you want HIM to do for YOU- it also means asking him what HE needs from YOU.) Ask your husband (or your wife!) what makes him feel loved. Or, try what my husband recently asked me: "What are five ways I could make you feel like I really, REALLY love you?" Write down the response. And then start trying to do AT LEAST one of those things every day!!! Do this for two weeks, and see what happens! :-)

WIVES!!! I encourage you, if you have never done it, to study what the Bible says we should be for our husbands! I know that some of you think the Bible has out-dated thoughts on the subject, but I think you will find it is still very relevant! More on that later...

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Law Felt 'Round the World...

Most of the people who visit this blog are people like us- people who have been affected by harsh immigration laws, that in many cases have led to families being torn apart by deportations of the forced exile of American citizens who refuse to let go of their foreign-born spouse...
As part of an effort to convince President Obama to make changes to unfair immigration laws in the US, a group of ladies has put together a FaceBook group called Border Love. The goal of this group is to get as many families' stories together as possible, organize them, and send them ALL to the president. We need our voices to be heard and we need to put a FACE on the faceless immigration issue! Our lawmakers need to know that this is destroying the stability of American families. Please show your support by contacting Border Love at this URL: http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100002547773453
I will be adding our account of how immigration has affected our family to the collection. For those concerned about security, all information will be strictly confidential, and we are asking that you only include first names and not locations when you are writing your own personal story. There is an email address provided on the Border Love site where you will send your story. Please let the girls at Border Love know to expect it.
Our government was formed on the basis of BY the people, FOR the people. Let's make our voices heard and show our leaders that WE THE PEOPLE will not stand for the destruction and blatant disregard of our families! UNITED, we CAN! 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

To Have and To Hold...

Yesterday marked the 8 month anniversary of our wedding. We had been planning our wedding for awhile, and had set a date of November 6th, but since he was still going to be in ICE custody the day we had planned, we moved the date up... We had a rather unique wedding: I was in my living room in Michigan, Jorge was in detention in Wisconsin. Our pastor agreed to marry us by phone... We had witnesses, I wore a white dress and my matron of honor surprised me by bringing me a bouquet- she said "no bride can get married without flowers!" Our ceremony was simple- a few words from the pastor as we all sat on my floor, then we exchanged vows we wrote ourselves. He said his in English; I recited mine in Spanish. It was a wonderful day, because I finally got to be his wife, but we spent our wedding night in separate beds, hundreds of miles apart, cold and alone. (Jorge commented the next day that he never thought he'd spend his wedding night with 50 men! LOL)
Yesterday marked the 8 month anniversary of the occasion, and once again we are apart. We talked last night and it was nice to at least have that time. We talked about how we will celebrate when I get home- he is a romantic man and I love his idea of flowers, going to a nice Italian place, dancing to smooth sax jazz, and taking a moonlight walk...! (Eat your hearts out ladies- he's MINE! hehe)
I wish I could be in his arms, but I am now counting down days- I was thinking of flying down on the 29th, but the flight prices that day have doubled, so when I buy my ticket next week I will try to get one for the Tuesday before- which means I can surprise him the next day! (I'm going to try not to tell him I'm coming early! LOL) If I go that Tuesday, I only have 34 days left!!!
Which brings me to my next big topic... How do you plan an event from another country?! Jorge graduates his program the following Wednesday (Aug 3!) and I want to surprise him with a party that night. I thought we could invite all of our friends and family in GDL and meet at Chili's in Plaza del Sol, and celebrate how awesome my husband is! My problem is coordinating this thing- I did finally manage to get an email for the manager at Chili's and I am waiting to hear back from him... I am just really proud of my husband and I want him to know it! He has accomplished so much and I think he is worth celebrating! He deserves to know he is loved and appreciated and that we are all proud of him! So if anyone has any advice for planning something like this from three thousand miles away, I'd be happy to listen! :-)
And on that note, I hope everyone has a great night!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Missing my Husband!

I know I haven't shared all of the details of our story yet, but I wanted to talk a little about how hard it is being away from my husband. Because of his current immigration status, he is stuck in Mexico. I, on the other hand, am in Ohio with my mom, who has been battling complications from Grave's Disease. My boys are with me for the summer. (They live with their dad during the school year, because I knew they would be miserable in Mexico.) Since Jorge couldn't come with me, I am here and he is three thousand miles away!
If you have never been through this yourself, you cannot imagine the heartache of being separated like this. Knowing that your own government doesn't place a high enough value on families to keep them together doesn't give one much confidence! A lot of people think that once an immigrant has residency, they can't be deported. This simply isn't true. Jorge had residency for several years, and he was still deported. He was not guilty of a violent crime- most people who know a little bit about immigration think that's the only way a resident can be deported. That is also not true! As a matter of fact, Jorge fell in a gray area- if he had been here illegally, he could have stayed. If he would have had his residency for SEVEN MONTHS longer than he'd had it, he could have stayed. As it is, he was given something called voluntary departure, or VD, because the judge had a soft heart and wanted him to be able to come see his kids. We were told that he could reapply for his visa after six months in Mexico. But we are scared about that, because several people have told us that they were told the same thing, only to be told when they applied that they had to wait THREE YEARS to apply... No one seems to be able to clear this up for us, so until we go for our appointment, we have no answers...
Being here while he is there is horrible. We talk every night, one way or another. I was using calling cards to call him, but then I set up skype so I could call Mexico, and that has worked for us. Problem was, he couldn't call ME on it. Last week we remedied that by adding a Mexican skype number to our account, and I set up call forwarding so when he calls, I don't have to be at the computer. Now it rings into my cell phone and it almost feels like we are just a normal couple, apart for a few days... That is, until I think about how long it has been since he has kissed me. Or when the last time was that we cuddled and watched a movie. Or had dinner together. Or any number of other mundane things people usually take for granted! And it will be almost six weeks before I see him again- 39 days, if I manage to buy my ticket home next week at the right price... It may not sound like long to you, but when your heart is in another country and you feel like you can't live without it, six weeks seems like an eternity!!!
Sometimes when we talk, I cry. Hearing his voice is like balm to my soul, but sometimes the missing is so painful! Yesterday was one of those really painful days, and today wasn't easy either, but hearing his voice tonight, and the sweet words he said, hearing him tell me how much he loves me and that everything is going to be ok- well, it helped a lot. The tears tonight weren't so much tears of pain as they were tears of joy and healing- joy at hearing his voice, and healing of the rough emotions from yesterday and today. 
I think part of what made today hard- but somehow so exciting at the same time- was seeing pictures of him that his brother posted online. I wasn't there on father's day, but the whole family got together and Tony was kind enough to send me the pictures he took of Jorge. Seeing my husband's face after all this time- it was like a knife to my heart because it made me miss him so much, but it also made me laugh with the sheer joy of seeing his face again! I am not sure if that makes sense to anyone who has never been through this, but that's how it is for me. I miss him so much it physically hurts!
Tonight we talked for 45 minutes, and it felt so good to laugh and joke with him, and remember things we have done together... Tomorrow he is going with a group of guys to the stadium where the PanAmerica Cup soccer games will be played this year. They are going to put on a play for about 600 people, and the Jorge will be giving his testimony. His first time speaking in front of a crowd that size, and I will miss it!!! I know he is going to do an amazing job- he loves being in front of people and he loves to share the Word, so he will be right in his element. I just wish I could be there for this mile-stone event...
I want to put a human face on the immigration issue, for those of you reading this who don't know much about it or who think it only affects "immigrants." I want you to know how much it hurts the families who's hearts are on both sides of the border. I am American- my husband is Mexican. Our nations are separated by an imaginary line across a really big desert. But there is nothing that can separate our hearts!!!
Te amo con todo mi corazon, Jorge Medina! Tu eres el aire para mi- sin ti, yo no puedo respirar!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Immigration Facts

Someone recently said to me that the US government should send Mexican immigrants back to Mexico because "they already got all our jobs when they got NAFTA." But this simply is not true!!! You see, sending our factories there was actually a lose/ lose situation for everyone but the government and the billionaires who owed the companies, and ironically, it made the problem of illegal immigration much worse. You see, when NAFTA allowed corporations to move to Mexico, those companies needed land to build factories. And so, because of the way NAFTA was designed, about 70 THOUSAND Mexican farmers were displaced from their land. Seventy thousand. Think of it. That's not just seventy thousand people. We are talking WHOLE FAMILIES who were all of a sudden without jobs, and who were usually not compensated for their land. The lucky few who did get jobs in those factories are now paid substandard wages that they can barely live on. As a result of these families being without work, many were forced to do whatever they had to just to survive, and many came here. The Mexican people are as much victims of NAFTA as we are- maybe more so! Compounding the problem is our broken immigration system that makes it nearly impossible for ANYone to come here legally, and voila! You have immigration problems.
But another thing to consider is that without these people, a lot of our companies would go under and it would have a negative effect on our already struggling economy. I know of farms in Michigan who have closed their doors, because they can't find workers. Michigan's unemployment has been running right around the highest in the country for a few years now, and to put it plainly, the immigrants are not coming like they used to and the Americans simply are not willing to do the work!!! And in a state with the highest unemployment, there are plenty of Americans who COULD do the work!!! Also, nationwide, only 5.1 percent of the workforce is here illegally.
Here are some other things to consider: a 2007 report by the White House Council of Economic Advisers found that immigrants INCREASE our nations GDP by $37 BILLION dollars a year. That is money we would NOT have if they were all sent home. A 2010 report from EPI found that immigration between 1994 and 2007 actually RAISED wages for US-born workers by .4%. According to the Selig Center for Economic Growth at the University of Georgia, the purchasing power of Latinos totaled $978.4 billion in 2009 and is projected to reach $1.3 trillion by 2014. The purchasing power of Asians totaled $508.6 billion in 2009 and is projected to reach $696.5 billion by 2014. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that in 2002, 1.6 million Hispanic-owned firms provided jobs to 1.5 million employees, had receipts of $222 billion, an...d generated payroll of $36.7 billion. The same year, 1.1 million Asian-owned firms provided jobs to 2.2 million employees, had receipts of $326.4 billion, and generated payroll of $56 billion. We are talking BIG benefits to our economy here!!! Imagine sending all of these immigrants home?! Our economy, just based on these few numbers, would COLLAPSE!!!
Some more information to think about: Unauthorized immigrants are not eligible for federal public benefits: This includes income supplements—e.g., Social Security, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), and Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), health care (Medicaid and Medicare), and food stamps. It doesn't matter what state they are in- they CANNOT get benefits!!! According to a study in the American Journal of Public Health, immigrants do not impose a disproportionate financial burden on the U.S. health care system. The per capita total health care expenditures of immigrants are less than half those of U.S.-born persons, and immigrants are significantly less likely to use the emergency room than are citizens. However, immigrants pay taxes into the system that funds public services: Even the majority of unauthorized immigrants pay federal and state income taxes, Social Security taxes, and Medicare taxes. And all immigrants pay sales taxes and property taxes. Many studies have found that immigrants pay more in taxes than they receive in benefits. The National Research Council estimated in 1997 that “the average immigrant pays nearly $1,800 more in taxes than he or she costs in benefits.” Many state-level studies have also found that immigrants contribute more to the economy than they take out. Like the rest of us, unauthorized immigrants pay taxes: Between one-half to three-quarters of unauthorized immigrants pay federal and state income taxes, Social Security taxes, and Medicare taxes. All unauthorized immigrants pay sales taxes (when they buy anything at a store, for instance) and property taxes (even if they rent housing).
Unauthorized immigrants pay into Social Security, but do not collect: The Social Security Administration (SSA) has concluded that unauthorized immigrants “account for a major portion” of the billions of dollars paid into the Social Security system under names or Social Security numbers that don’t match SSA records; payments from which immigrants cannot benefit while unauthorized. As of October 2005, the reported earnings on which these payments are based—which are tracked through the SSA’s Earnings Suspense File (ESF)—totaled $520 billion. Another thing most people do not know- those who are undocumented but paying taxes CANNOT get a tax return, so every cent they pay in is kept by the government.
Another misconception about immigrants is that they bring higher crime rates. But take a look at this information: Although the unauthorized immigrant population doubled from 1994 to 2005, the violent crime rate in the United States declined by 34.2 % and the property crime rate fell by 26.4% during the same period. Border cities and other cities with ...large immigrant populations also experienced decreasing crime rates. And according to a 2008 report from the conservative Americas Majority Foundation, crime rates are lowest in states with the highest immigration growth rates. From 1999 to 2006, the total crime rate declined 13.6% in the 19 highest-immigration states, compared to a 7.1% decline in the other 32 states. In 2006, the 10 “high influx” states—those with the most dramatic, recent increases in immigration—had the lowest rates of violent crime and total crime. The argument that unauthorized immigrants are “criminals” because they are “illegal” is highly misleading. “Unlawful presence” in the United States (such as overstaying a visa) is a civil violation of immigration law, not a criminal violation. “Entry Without Inspection” (entering the United States without authorization) is a misdemeanor. More importantly, neither of these offenses constitutes a threat to public safety—unlike crimes such as murder, assault, and robbery, all of which immigrants are much less likely to commit than natives.
As to the question of why don't they just come legally,  the legal immigration system is grossly out of date and has not kept up with the labor demands of our economy. Our immigration laws have not been updated in 20 years, and there are only limited avenues available for legal immigration. The... overly restrictive legal limits on green cards mean that virtually all unauthorized immigrants have no alternative for legal entry into the U.S. Many Americans think that unauthorized immigrants want to be unauthorized. However, opinion surveys of unauthorized immigrants indicate that, if given a choice, 98% would rather live and work legally in the U.S. and would do so if they could. But most do not have the necessary family relationships to apply for legal entry, do not qualify as refugees unless they come from a handful of countries experiencing political unrest, and do not work in professions that currently qualify for a green card. Many Americans think that unauthorized immigrants want to be unauthorized. However, opinion surveys of unauthorized immigrants indicate that, if given a choice, 98% would rather live and work legally in the U.S. and would do so if they could. But most do not have the necessary family relationships to apply for legal entry, do not qualify as refugees unless they come from a handful of countries experiencing political unrest, and do not work in professions that currently qualify for a green card.
So anyway, I hope this clarifies some of the misconceptions about immigration. You see, I believe passionately in reform, and not because I am married to a wonderful Mexican man. No, I have believed in reform for many, many years, and I have done the studying to back up my beliefs. I'm not simply basing my opinion on what I hear in the news or spouted on election ads. I am basing it on cold hard facts and what I have witnessed first hand. Hope you can understand a little better now!

Begining our story...

I decided to start this blog because so many people have no idea about what it is really like to be an immigrant in our country, or what it is like to LOVE an immigrant in our country! Before I tell OUR story, let me introduce us...
My name is Rhonda Medina. I am originally from Northern Michigan, and I never thought my life would be anything but "normal." And then I met and fell in love with my husband, and a new world opened up in front of me... You see, Jorge is an immigrant from Mexico, and while he was in the US legally for 14 years, that hasn't saved us from the heartbreak of dealing with treacherous immigration laws and bureaucratic red tape. In fact, we currently live in Mexico, away from our friends and families, and even our children, because the US government will not allow us to stay. Many people have the idea that only people who are here "illegally" get deported- but that is simply not the truth! While living abroad, I have met many wonderful families in situations just like ours, forced away from everything they have known by a government that does not want them. This blog is my attempt to share our experiences. So hold on; you're in for a long and bumpy ride!